my mind

my mind is numb
slowly turning into nothing
spiraling into blackness
everything i see
is in shades of blue
blending with my mood

my world
monochromatic
hues of the color
i can't escape this feeling
this feeling of hopelessness
of loneliness and desolation

I Can't

I can't
those two words
keep echoing in my head
i wonder what she said after those two words
they torment me
those two words
i can't
her reason as to why we can't date
cut they still give me hope
cause they say she's thought about it
they could turn into two different words
i can

Misery

The blues return

Like some kind of stalker

Always showing up to remind me

There is no escape

They’ve got a choke hold on me

I keep getting swallowed in misery

It’s my best friend

He won’t leave me be

But now, misery, is all I have

Every day

It feels like the same

Always catching me unaware

Monster

I’m walking down this street

People run and hide

As if they see some kind of monster in me

I see them scatter into their groups

Pointing and quietly whispering about me

Spreading their vile rumors about me

As if I’m some kind of monster

They avoid me like the plague

I guess if they come close to me

Something bad might happen

And they could get sick

As if I’m some kind of disease

I keep walking down that street

Not paying any attention to them

As I'm Sitting

As i'm sitting in this chair

thinking about what i'm going to do

i can't shake away the feeling

this feeling of loneliness

the sadness of that hole in my heart

all that emptiness and pain

it won't go away

like an ominous shadow

it just follows me arond

sucking all the joy and life out of me

like a vampire sucks blood out of its victim

the crash

Should have done this

Could have done that

And all this

Would have never happened

It doesn’t matter now

It’s all in hindsight

My headache a dull reminder

Of what happened that day

My car was ruined

Her SUV just fine

The cops came faster

Then a speeding bullet

I wish I could say

It was just a dream

That it never happened

That I’m going to wake up soon

And that this was just a bad dream

But its not it really happened

I was heading from the armory

To go relax in the hot tub

At the Centre

She was coming home

From a long day of work

To be with her husband

It shouldn’t have happened

It was unfair

But like they say

The show must go on

And so must life

Even if we don’t want to

Can I still be the same?

Can I still be caring?

Or even be happy?

Like I was before?

Or will I be different?

Where will I go from here?

I don’t know

If I could ever be that person

The person I used to be

The one I strive to be

The way she looked at me

As if I was some kind of monster

My worlds become shades of blue

No longer full of color

Its like I’m watching

Somebody else live my life

Sucking away all the color

It’s becoming black and white

I still have nightmares

From that day

The way she looked at me

It haunts my dreams

I keep yelling

I’m not a monster

blue

my world is slowly turning blue
colors everywhere
turning into a hue of blue
like being lost at sea
for miles and miles blue
the only color you can see anywhere
so cold, salty and blue
are the waters of the Pacific Ocean
so very blue
maybe i'm the star of a show
and that floodlight

that light of blue
is following me. i can't escape it
or maybe i'm flying in the deep blue
sky, rapidly gaining altitude
a crazy dude with blue
accents in my hair showing
my moods and blues