Fear Journal

WARNING! SOME OBSCENE LANGUAGE! NOT FOR THOSE WITH SENSITIVE MINDS!!

What do I fear?
Simple question
Complex answer

I fear many things,
Death, change getting older,
These are the fears everybody fears.
Need I name more?

I fear rejection.
What about boredom?
There’s a saying about boredom,
I just can’t quite put my hands on it.

Everyone fears the dark
- At some point in their lives -
Some get over it,
Others don’t.

Tell me a childhood fear you say?
I was afraid of more things then I care to count.
I lived in constant fear in those days.

You see? I was very small,
But not quite so small
I was tall but also very skinny

I bet I could’ve put supermodels to shame
It was because of that – how skinny I was
That made others think I was extremely week
– Some do even now –

I feared all the kids that picked on me
All the soon-to-be jocks and preps
Basically all the popular kids

It’s funny I used to want to be like them,
But now? They disgust me.
You can tell they’re city kids
They take things for granted
They bitch and whine like a spoiled little brat
Especially when it comes to work.
– Hard work in particular. –
They think it’s fine,
Almost like it’s their divine right
To get what they want.
They don’t think about
How their actions or what they say,
Affects others, like me.
After all why should they?
They’re greedy, self-centered, and I must say
They’re like the stereotypical jock,
They don’t think before they react.

I once feared going up or down stairs
– Especially at night–
Due to what some might
Call a hallucination
Others a supernatural acquaintance
I dare not go into the details,
Else, I be called a lunatic.

Right now,
What I fear is,
Going to,
Basic training,
This summer.

“A hero of war
Yeah that’s what I’ll be
And when I come home
They’ll be damn proud of me
I’ll carry this flag
To the grave if I must
Because it’s a flag that I love
And a flag that I trust

I kicked in the door
I yelled my commands
The children, they cried
But I got my man
We took him away
A bag over his face
From his family and friends

They took off his clothes
They pissed in his hands
I told them to stop
But then I joined in

We beat him with guns
And batons not just once
But again and again” (Hero of War by: Rise Against, album title: Appeal To Reason)